LOSS

more than a week ago, my fren, SJ, passed away. he was my secondary schoolmate, we were from the same ECA. 3 weeks before that, i got his sms wanting to meet up, but i've been delaying... til the day i got another SMS from HIS best fren saying he's in a coma at hospital... i went to see him for one last time, at that time i didnt know it'd b a last time... he passed away 2 days later, he wasnt even sick before that.

unexpected death takes away the ones we once loved. how do u react in the face of death? there i was standing in the ICU staring at him - tubes hanging all around him and i didnt feel sad enough to cry for him. i jus stood there, staring, praying... i left after 10 mins... guilty at how unfeeling i was... a yr ago i stood in the same ICU, staring at my beloved uncle who had a stroke, he passed away minutes after I saw him. i'm starting to be afraid of NUH... i'm starting to associate the place with deaths...

i didnt want to attend my fren's funeral, i didnt want to see him lying in the casket, i didnt want to stand by the casket and not feel any urge to cry, i didnt want to stand by the casket and cry either - how can i cry for someone i forgot to reply an sms to?... i did wat i do best, run away...

i once read in Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren - we find it hard to accept death because we were made to have eternal life. so death seems unnatural and unreasonable. lines from books seldom hit me, but this one did. makes a lot of sense. SJ's a staunch buddhist, his faith taught him to alienate, disengage, detach himself from emotions... i really wonder in which realm is his spiritual being now...